Dawn of Change Read online

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, well, thanks.” Susan gave Ruth a sarcastic smile. “I really appreciate the sincerity of that.”

  “What do you want me to say? He made a mistake, I agree. But you can’t throw away a twenty-year marriage, your family and friends, the country club, just to hide up here. People are talking.”

  “The country club? You really don’t have a clue, do you?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “This is about me, Ruth,” Susan said, tapping her chest. “Me. I don’t care about the damn country club. I don’t care about Dave. I have to take care of myself for once.”

  Ruth stared at her, eyes wide, until Susan turned away.

  “I listen to you talk and it’s like I don’t even know you, Susan.”

  Susan nodded. “You’re right. I feel like I’m just getting to know myself, actually. And I think I like myself better every day.”

  “I think you need professional help,” Ruth suggested stiffly. “Of course, not in Fresno. You’ll need to go to San Francisco.”

  “Yes, we wouldn’t want anyone to talk.”

  “Susan, I’m serious.”

  “Why are you here, Ruth? Surely, you didn’t come all the way up here just to lecture to me?” She motioned to the kitchen. “With Mother, no less.”

  “We’re worried about you, Susan.”

  “Bullshit,” Susan said quietly. “You’re worried what people are thinking and Mother’s only concerned about what time she can have her first scotch.”

  They both looked up as the kitchen door swung open and Mother walked out with wine bottle in one hand and a full glass of scotch in the other.

  “I thought you might need a refill.”

  Susan sighed and held her glass out. “I suppose you’ll be staying the night.”

  “We haven’t seen you in a month, dear. Ruth and I thought we would stay the weekend with you.”

  Susan nodded. Great. The whole weekend spent talking about how silly she was to be hiding up here. How she was going to lose her wonderful marriage if she didn’t go back.

  She looked up with relief when she heard the truck door slam. Shawn. Finally. She had half expected her not to stop when she found another car in the driveway.

  “Are you expecting company?” Ruth asked, stretching her neck to see out the windows.

  “Yes. Shawn. A friend,” Susan explained, hurrying out the door.

  She found Shawn still standing beside her truck, a hesitant look on her face, but she smiled when Susan reached her.

  “Look at you! It looks great.” Shawn reached out and casually ruffled Susan’s hair. “Do you like it?”

  “Oh, yes,” Susan smiled. “Definitely wash and wear. I now have an extra forty-five minutes after a shower.” After the last hour with Ruth, Shawn’s smiling eyes looked like heaven and Susan only barely resisted the urge to hug Shawn.

  Shawn motioned to the house. “Someone send the troops?”

  “Ruth and Mother are here, trying to talk some sense into me,” Susan explained as she reached down to pet Alex, who was rubbing against her leg.

  Shawn nodded. “I understand. I won’t bother you with dinner, then.”

  “You’re not leaving,” Susan insisted.

  “This is family stuff. I shouldn’t be here.”

  “Don’t be silly.” Susan grabbed Shawn’s arm and lowered her voice. “They’ve tortured me for an hour. Don’t think I’m letting you out of here that easily.”

  Susan’s voice was teasing but Shawn saw the anguish in her eyes. She nodded again. “Okay, but you owe me.”

  “Yes, and I’ll pay you double if you have a beer back there,” Susan said, looking around Shawn to the back of the truck.

  “Of course.” Shawn raised a teasing eyebrow to Susan. “But is it safe for you to be seen drinking beer?”

  “Yes. Country club rules don’t apply up here.”

  “Thank God.”

  Shawn twisted the tops off of their beers and they touched bottles with a light salute before drinking.

  “Ahhh,” Susan sighed. “Thank you.” Then she lowered her voice again. “I’m afraid I’ve already tapped into our dinner wine.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t expect a fancy dinner.” Then Shawn motioned to the cabin. “Do they?”

  Susan smiled at Shawn, amazed at how quickly Shawn had put her at ease. She felt in control again. She felt like she could face Ruth now without being on the defensive.

  “I’ve already done a lifetime of fancy dinners for Dave’s clients. I think I’m done,” Susan stated. “Come on. I’ll introduce you.”

  Shawn hesitated and turned worried eyes to Susan.

  Susan smiled reassuringly and touched her arm. “Don’t worry. They won’t bite.” I hope, she added silently.

  When Susan opened the front door, Alex walked in without a care and they both heard the gasp from Ruth. Identical smiles touched their mouths, then eyes, before Shawn called Alex back.

  “That was Alex,” Susan explained to Ruth. She tugged Shawn in after her and motioned with her hands to Ruth and Mother. “My sister Ruth and my mother, Gayle.” Another nervous wave of her hand slapped Shawn in the arm. “This is Shawn.”

  Shawn walked into the living room, hand extended to Ruth, who politely gave it a gentle squeeze. Gayle’s handshake was a little firmer, although just as brief.

  “Nice to meet both of you.” Shawn was met with an icy stare from Ruth and simple indifference from Gayle.

  “Shawn is staying for dinner.” Susan felt compelled to start the conversation, although she had no topic in mind and she looked frantically to Shawn for help.

  “A beer, Susan?” Ruth’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “My, you have come down a notch or two.”

  Susan felt Shawn stiffen beside her and quickly turned to Ruth and gave her a short laugh. “Actually, I find beer quite refreshing.” Her eyes found Shawn and gave a silent apology.

  “Shawn, how do you happen to know our Susan?” Gayle asked.

  “I suppose you own one of the cabins here,” Ruth offered.

  “Afraid not,” Shawn shrugged. “I own a tent though.”

  Susan covered her grin with her hand, silently watching this exchange.

  “A tent?”

  “For camping,” Shawn explained. “I come up on weekends.”

  “And sleep in a tent?” Gayle asked slowly.

  “Yeah.”

  Susan drank from her beer, surprised to find that Shawn seemed to be enjoying baiting Ruth and Mother.

  “And you know Susan how?” Ruth asked.

  “Ruth, Shawn and I met out on one of the trails,” Susan finally spoke, ignoring Ruth’s eyebrows as they shot to the ceiling. “Well, Alex introduced us.” She and Shawn shared a smile and Susan desperately wished that Ruth and Mother were not here. She didn’t realize how much she had been looking forward to Shawn’s company and she was disappointed that they wouldn’t have any time alone.

  “Out on the trails?” Ruth repeated. “So you’ve only known Shawn since you’ve been . . . vacationing?”

  “Is that what you’re doing?” Shawn was unable to keep her mouth from lifting in a smile when she glanced at Susan.

  “Vacation from my marriage, maybe.”

  “Susan! I can’t believe you are taking this so lightly.” Ruth looked pointedly at Shawn. “And this is nothing that needs to be discussed in front of strangers.”

  “Shawn is not a stranger, Ruth. She knows all about David and his sordid affair.”

  Ruth shook her head. “I won’t discuss this with you now.”

  “Good. I’m not really in the mood, anyway.” Susan glanced helplessly at Shawn whose warm eyes were sympathetic and friendly. She should never have made Shawn stay for dinner. It was torture enough for her. Why should she put Shawn through it?

  “Shawn, why don’t you sit down?” Gayle offered.

  She patted the sofa next to her and Shawn reluctantly moved to join her.
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br />   “Now, tell me about yourself. What do you do for a living?”

  “Ah, well . . .” she began, her eyes darting quickly to Susan. She felt Ruth’s eyes on her, taking in her faded jeans and wrinkled T-shirt and Shawn shifted uneasily.

  Both Gayle and Ruth eyed her suspiciously.

  “You do work?” Ruth finally asked. “You don’t look like a housewife.”

  “Do you have a husband, Shawn?” Gayle asked.

  Susan had had enough of the questioning and finally intervened. “Shawn spends most of her time at the women’s center. She’s a volunteer there.”

  “The shelter?” Ruth asked, not bothering to hide the disgust in her voice. “Mostly drunken women who have been beaten up by their equally drunken husbands. It’s their own fault to begin with. I can’t believe you actually volunteer at a place like that.”

  Susan expected an immediate protest from Shawn, but was surprised by the half-smile on her face.

  “Sadly, there are those,” Shawn agreed. “There’s also a lot of innocent children involved and very young women who don’t know how to handle an abusive husband. Then there’s the women who’ve been married fifteen, twenty years and their husbands turn into strangers and start beating them for no apparent reason.”

  Ruth had the good grace to flush slightly as Shawn’s voice softened, but Susan wanted to throttle Ruth anyway. The buzzer on the oven sounded, saving Ruth.

  “Dinner,” Susan stated. “Let me get the table ready.”

  “I’ll help.” Shawn was on her feet before Susan could protest.

  When the kitchen door swung shut, they both let out heavy sighs.

  “I’m so sorry,” Susan began.

  “It’s not your fault. They’re just . . . very uptight.”

  “You think so?” Susan pulled the casserole from the oven as Shawn took down plates. They easily sidestepped each other as they set the table, Shawn adding the finishing touch by lighting the two candles.

  “You owe me big time for this, by the way.”

  Susan looked up, but Shawn’s eyes were teasing. She relaxed and shoved Shawn away with a quick bump of her hip.

  “We still have to get through dinner,” Susan warned.

  Both Ruth and Mother shoved the food around on their plates, inspecting it.

  “Susan, what in the world is this?” Ruth asked.

  “Vegetarian casserole. Six different vegetables, with pasta and feta cheese.”

  “I see. Why?”

  “Why?” Susan glanced at Shawn. “Because that was the dinner I had planned for me and Shawn. If you recall, I had no idea you and Mother were coming.”

  “It could use something, dear,” Gayle said. “It’s a little bland.”

  “I love it,” Shawn said, getting up to refill her plate. “Anyone need seconds?”

  Susan hid her smile behind her hand as both Ruth and Mother declined. Shawn met her eyes across the room and winked at her.

  “You never said whether you were married, Shawn,” Ruth said. “Any children?”

  Shawn grinned. “Just Alex.” She took another bite of the casserole. “No husband.”

  “I see.”

  Ruth looked disapprovingly at Susan, but Susan ignored her. She stood, taking her plate to the sink, angry with Ruth and Mother for spoiling her planned dinner with Shawn. There was silence around the table and both Ruth and Mother watched Shawn finish her second helping of dinner. Shawn finally put her fork down, aware of the eyes on her.

  “That was great, Susan.” Shawn stood up, too. “I hate to eat and run, but I’ve got to get going. If Alex doesn’t get his walk in, he’ll be up all night.” Shawn carried her plate to the sink, winking again at Susan.

  “Uh-huh, right.” Susan grinned at Shawn’s attempt of an excuse. “And don’t you dare offer to do the dishes,” she whispered.

  “Guests don’t wash dishes, Susan,” Shawn quietly teased.

  Susan cleared her throat and turned around, facing Ruth and Mother again. “Well, let me walk you out.”

  After quick good-byes to Ruth and Gayle, they escaped out the back door and both let out a collective sigh of relief.

  “What a pleasant meal,” Susan said sarcastically.

  “Yes. Stimulating conversation, too.”

  “I’m so sorry I put you through this.”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s over and we survived.” Shawn reached inside her truck for her cigarettes. “Want one?”

  “Better not.” But Susan looking longingly at the one hanging from Shawn’s mouth.

  “Share?”

  “Do you mind?” Susan asked, already reaching for the lit cigarette.

  Shawn crossed her arms and leaned against the truck, watching Susan. She seemed so different from the woman Shawn had met only a few weeks ago. Not only her new haircut, but also the way she carried herself, that streak of defiance in her eyes.

  “Oh, I had forgotten what a stress relief smoking could be.” Susan handed the cigarette back to Shawn and watched as she put it between her lips.

  “Well, if you’re planning on spending the weekend with them, maybe I should leave you a few.” Shawn handed the cigarette back to Susan. “They are staying the weekend?”

  Susan nodded. “Probably until Sunday.”

  “Lucky you.”

  “You could come by tomorrow for breakfast? Or lunch?”

  Shawn laughed. “Don’t push your luck.”

  “What about Sunday?” Susan asked hopefully.

  Shawn shook her head. “I need to get back early. I’ve neglected my yard enough.”

  Susan nodded and watched as Shawn and Alex fought over the seat. She felt cheated, she realized. She had been looking forward to spending the weekend with Shawn and instead, she was stuck with Ruth and Mother.

  “Hey,” Shawn called from the road. “Love your hair.”

  Susan grinned and waved good-bye, then forced her feet to carry her back inside. She didn’t have to wait long for Ruth’s interrogation.

  “Where in the world did you find her?”

  “I told you, out on the trails.” Susan walked past Ruth and into the kitchen, immediately pouring herself a scotch. She took a deep breath and waited for Ruth to continue.

  “Oh, Susan, you just can’t invite strangers into your home. You never know what kind of people are out there. And she sleeps in a tent, for God’s sake!”

  “That’s what people do when they come up here to go camping, Ruth. They sleep in a tent.” Susan turned on the water to rinse the dinner dishes, hoping Ruth would tire of this conversation and leave.

  “Does she even have a job? My goodness, and the shelter. Do you know what kind of people are at the shelter? What can you possibly have in common with that woman?” Ruth demanded.

  Susan turned to face Ruth and frowned. What did she and Shawn have in common? Nothing, really. Nothing she could put her finger on, anyway. They just enjoyed each other’s company.

  “We’ve become friends, Ruth. She’s someone I can talk to.”

  “Talk to? I can’t believe you told a complete stranger about your marriage. Have you no shame?”

  Susan turned quickly, unmindful of her soapy hands. “Shame? My husband was fucking a twenty-year-old girl in my bed.”

  “Susan!”

  “Oh, Ruth, just get over it.” Susan went back to her dishes, long weary of this conversation.

  Chapter Eight

  Shawn tossed another stick into the fire, then leaned back in her chair. She felt restless. And Alex was no help. He had energy to burn and even in the dark, he wanted her to throw his tennis ball. She picked up the ball, now wet with dog slobber, and tossed it for him yet again.

  She looked at the three empty beer bottles beside her chair and reached for the crumpled pack of cigarettes. She didn’t really know what was the matter with her. She normally enjoyed this quiet time by the fire, far away from the stress of her life.

  It was Susan, she admitted. She kept wondering what Susan was doing, wh
ether Ruth had her cornered or not. Shawn was surprised at how quickly she and Susan had become friends. She didn’t have a lot of them. A few in San Francisco, Amy mainly, and only a handful in Fresno. That was it. Shawn knew it was her fault. She didn’t want that closeness with people. It usually only brought her pain.

  But Susan was different. She had seemed so desperate that first day that Shawn’s training from the women’s center had taken over. She had simply wanted to help. She hadn’t thought that Susan would actually want . . . or need her as a friend. Or that she would come to think of Susan as a friend. A friend she looked forward to seeing on weekends.

  Maybe that was why she was so restless now. They had hardly had a chance to talk and she didn’t realize how quickly she had gotten used to Susan being around.

  Alex finally settled down, tennis ball tucked securely between his paws, and Shawn tossed the rest of her cigarette into the fire. Maybe she would hike into the backcountry tomorrow. A nice, long hike where she could let her mind wander. Then head back down the mountain. No sense hanging around until Sunday, she thought.

  Chapter Nine

  Susan checked her watch again, noting the lateness of the hour, and accepted that Shawn was not going to show. Maybe something had held her up in Fresno, and she would drive up Saturday morning instead. Susan had not talked to her since last Friday after the disastrous dinner with Ruth and Mother. She wished she had given in and called her during the week. Lisa was coming tomorrow and Susan was anxious for them to meet.

  Susan spent the rest of her Friday evening cleaning the already spotless cabin and eating her solitary meal at the bar. She had been tempted to drive to Shawn’s normal camping spot, but she didn’t know what she would do if Shawn was there. It would simply mean that Shawn didn’t want Susan’s company tonight and had stayed away. Susan preferred to think that Shawn just hadn’t made it up the mountain yet.

  Her loneliness eased somewhat when she curled into a corner of the sofa, pulled the blanket over her legs, and started on one of the trashy novels she had bought that week. But she found her thoughts drifting to Dave, Lisa, and even Ruth. And Shawn. She didn’t understand her need for this friendship she had formed with Shawn, but it was there. She sat up, suddenly realizing that there was no other friendship in her life. Not really. The wives at the country club could hardly be called good friends, even though she had known most of them since she had been married. And Ruth? She shook her head. No, she wouldn’t call what she had with Ruth a friendship.