At Seventeen Read online

  Madison shook her head. “I can’t touch anything. I can’t sit on the furniture. I don’t really live down here.”

  She started walking again, and Shannon followed her to another staircase, this one wide and curving along the wall as it rose to the third floor.

  “That’s some big stairs,” she said.

  “There is an elevator too. My parents usually take it. I like to walk on the stairs, though.” At the top, Madison led her down a short hallway that opened up into a small sitting area. “I live here,” she said as she spread out her arms. “My parents’ rooms are on the top floor.”

  “You have all this,” she said, turning and looking around, “to yourself?”

  “Yes.”

  She opened a door, letting Shannon look inside. It was a bathroom, larger than her own bedroom.

  “This is for my guests,” Madison said. “But you can use mine if you want. It’s in my bedroom.”

  “So you have different rooms?”

  Madison nodded. “Playroom. Study room. Bedroom. Bathroom. TV room.”

  Shannon’s mouth dropped open. “Wow.”

  Madison shrugged. “You want to look at my homework now?”

  “Okay.”

  Double doors opened up into what was a small living room—the TV room, Shannon guessed. Madison crossed the carpet silently, going to another room. Shannon followed, her eyes darting around in awe. It was bigger than what she and her mother shared now.

  Madison opened the door to her study room. It contained a desk and chair, two bookshelves…and a phone. Shannon pointed at it.

  “Why?”

  Madison shrugged again. “Mother says one day I’ll have boys calling me.” Shannon made a face and Madison laughed. “I know. They’re so…gross.” She shuffled through some papers on her desk and handed Shannon a page. “Algebra.”

  There was only one chair so Shannon sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall. She was surprised when Madison joined her.

  “These are pretty easy,” she said. “What don’t you understand?”

  “None of it. It makes no sense to me.”

  “We learned this last year. You mean that fancy private school is just now going over this?”

  Madison bumped her knee with her own and smiled. “We have more important things to learn there than algebra.”

  “I’m sure.”

  They spent the next thirty minutes going over Madison’s homework until she somewhat understood. There were ten problems. Madison only got one right.

  “So you won’t be a mathematician when you grow up,” Shannon teased her.

  “You really are smart, aren’t you?”

  Shannon shrugged. “Yes.”

  Madison was quiet for a moment. “My birthday is coming up.”

  “I know. I remember from last year.”

  “I’ll be twelve, just like you.”

  “I’ll always be older.”

  “Five months is not older,” Madison said as she playfully punched her arm. But the smile left her face. “I’m having a party.” She looked at Shannon with sad eyes. “My mother said you can’t come.”

  Not that Shannon expected to attend, but the hurt look in Madison’s eyes made her own heart ache.

  “That’s because I’m not one of your real friends,” she reminded her.

  “You’re my best friend,” Madison said. “My mother says you can’t be, though. She says I should pick someone else.”

  Shannon was old enough to know what that meant. Madison couldn’t possibly be friends with their maid’s daughter. She needed to stay within her social class. When no one was looking, when no one was around, then Madison could stoop down to her level. That hurt Shannon, but she knew it wasn’t Madison’s fault. She couldn’t be mad at her.

  “How about I ask my mom to make you a small cake and we’ll have our own party?”

  Madison’s eyes lit up. “Just me and you?”

  Shannon nodded. “Yeah. Just us.”

  And two weeks later, one day after Madison’s real birthday party, they sat outside, not far from the playground they had outgrown. The gazebo was rarely used as it was too far from the main house for guests. When her parents entertained, they used the more formal patio area that faced the backyard. Of course, Shannon knew all that because she helped her mother in the kitchen preparing appetizers and sometimes she helped the other cooks with the meal itself. The gazebo had become their place.

  “You have to make a wish,” Shannon instructed.

  When she asked her mother to make a small cake, she’d done just that. It was barely bigger than a saucer. Her mother had produced a single candle and had given Shannon some matches to light it with.

  Madison stared into her eyes and Shannon felt an odd sensation in her stomach. Madison nodded slowly.

  “Okay. I made my wish.”

  Shannon tilted her head. “What was it?”

  Madison leaned down and blew out the candle, laughing. “I can’t tell you. Then it won’t come true.”

  Shannon handed Madison a fork and they dug into the cake. It was chocolate with a thick layer of creamy icing—her favorite. She didn’t know what Madison’s favorite was.

  “Do you like it? I didn’t know what kind to ask for,” she said.

  Madison licked chocolate from her lips. “This one.”

  “Good.” She swallowed her bite, then wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “So how was your party yesterday?”

  “It was okay, I guess. My parents rented the pavilion at the country club. They had an ice cream machine. We went swimming too.”

  “Did you have a big cake?”

  “Yes. But it wasn’t nearly as good as this.”

  That pleased her and she smiled. “Fancy dinner too?”

  Madison nodded. “I would have rather been here with you though.” She put her fork down. “Stephen Cole was there.”

  “The boy your mother likes for you?”

  “Yes. He kept tickling me in the pool. He says we’re going to be dating soon.”

  Shannon rolled her eyes. “You’re twelve. You’re not going to start dating.”

  “When will you start dating?”

  Shannon swung her foot back and forth, searching for an answer. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I don’t really like any of the boys at school.”

  “Me either. But that’s all Tamara talks about now. Stephanie too.”

  Shannon knew Tamara and Stephanie were two of Madison’s friends, but of course she had never met them. She wondered if they even knew she existed.

  “I guess maybe we’ll start liking them too,” she offered, wondering if that was true.

  “I guess.”

  Chapter Three

  “You knew you were gay when you were twelve?”

  Shannon laughed. “I didn’t know what gay meant, I just knew I didn’t like boys.”

  “You already had a crush on her then?”

  Shannon nodded. “I’m not sure I knew it, though. I was just the friend she had to hide from everybody. I know it drove her mother crazy. She tried her best to keep us apart.”

  “She didn’t like you?”

  “Not so much that. She was always cordial to me. But the friendship that Madison and I had, she wanted that for her with one of the country club group. She made sure Madison spent plenty of time with them. Tennis lessons, swimming lessons, riding lessons. Dance. All activities that didn’t involve me.”

  “Yet at the end of the day, Madison came home to you,” Charlotte said with a smile. “I’m sure that did worry her mother.”

  “Madison never got any better with math so I tried to tutor her. But we couldn’t let her mother know. The first time she caught us, I was thirteen.”

  * * *

  “Shannon, it just doesn’t make sense to me. Why does it have to be so hard?”

  “It’s not hard. You’re just not understanding it. You’re going to be in high school pretty soon. It’s going to get a lot harder.”
>
  They were sitting cross-legged on the floor of Madison’s study room. Madison flopped down dramatically, one arm covering her eyes.

  “High school? I can’t do basic math and you’re bringing up high school?”

  Shannon’s eyes followed the length of her body, landing on her exposed armpit. She grinned devilishly, then attacked, tickling Madison mercilessly.

  Madison squirmed, laughing as she slapped at Shannon’s hands. “Stop! I’ll get you back, Shannon Fletcher.”

  “Promises, promises,” she said, finally relenting.

  Madison grinned. “I hate it when you do that.”

  “Yeah? Then why are you smiling?”

  Madison sat back up, still smiling as she stared at her. “I don’t know. You make me happy.”

  Shannon got a funny feeling in her stomach when Madison looked at her like that. She nodded. “You make me happy too.”

  The silence lingered as they stared at each other. Shannon finally looked away and reached for Madison’s homework. She was about to go over another problem when Madison’s bedroom door opened. A few seconds later, Mrs. Lansford stood at the threshold to the study room.

  “Girls? What are you doing?”

  Shannon stared at the floor, speechless. Mrs. Lansford scared her. But Madison’s words made her raise her head.

  “I’m helping Shannon with some homework,” Madison said. “That’s okay, isn’t it?”

  Mrs. Lansford slid her gaze to Shannon, prompting her into action.

  “I needed some help in…math,” she said quietly. “Since Madison is so good at it and all…”

  Mrs. Lansford nodded. “Yes, well our public school system is sorely lacking in that regard. Of course Madison can assist you, Shannon. She has a more formal education than you, it only stands to reason.” She smiled quickly, then it was gone. “I came to tell you that your father will have a business guest for dinner. You’ll take your evening meal up here, dear. I’ll have Stella bring it up.”

  “Yes, Mother.”

  “Well, carry on.”

  As soon as the door closed they broke into a fit of giggles. “‘It only stands to reason,’” Shannon mimicked.

  “‘Carry on,’” Madison said in a clipped British accent, causing more laughter.

  “So, Miss Smarty-pants, what are you going to teach me?”

  Madison’s smile faded. “I’m sorry. But if she knew you were helping me, well…she would send me to a real tutor, one they would pay a lot of money to. It wouldn’t do for you to be smarter than me.”

  “Because I’m the maid’s daughter?” Shannon didn’t want to be angry, but she was.

  “Shannon, you know how it is.”

  Shannon stood, intending to leave. “Yeah, I know. I’ll never be as good as you, no matter what.”

  Madison got up too, grabbing her arm as she turned to leave. “You’re my best friend. Please don’t leave.”

  Shannon stared at the hand that was holding her arm. Again, she got a funny feeling in her stomach and she didn’t know what it was. She did know, however, that she liked it.

  “You only want to keep me around so that you don’t fail your test tomorrow,” she said, her anger fading as teasing took over.

  “Yes. That’s the only reason I tolerate you,” Madison agreed with a smile.

  She then surprised Shannon—and possibly herself—by pulling Shannon to her and hugging her tightly. Shannon was trembling as her arms slipped around Madison’s small waist. The cartwheels in her stomach increased, and she closed her eyes, wondering what was happening to her.

  Madison had a funny look on her face when she pulled away. They stared at each other for the longest time, then Madison nodded as if she’d found an answer to an unspoken question.

  Shannon nodded too, pretending she not only knew the question but the answer as well.

  “You want to watch TV?”

  Shannon looked at the papers on the floor. “What about your test?”

  “It’s a lost cause,” Madison said.

  “But—”

  Her protest was cut off as Madison took her hand and led her into the small living room that was adjacent to her bedroom.

  “Just for a little while. Stella will bring my dinner up at seven. Your momma will be expecting you back down.”

  Shannon plopped down beside Madison on the sofa, math forgotten. “Will your mother be mad?”

  Madison shook her head. “She won’t come back in here. She’s getting ready for their dinner guest.”

  Shannon tried to relax, but she couldn’t even begin to focus on the TV. Madison had scooted closer to her and they sat there, their thighs pressed together, both glancing from the TV to each other. When Stella knocked on the door, Shannon and Madison moved away from each other guiltily. Shannon had no idea what they should feel guilty about.

  Still, with one last look into Madison’s eyes, she bid her a hasty goodnight.

  Chapter Four

  “Let me help with that,” Shannon offered as Tracy brought the salad to the table.

  “I’ve got it. Open the other bottle of wine,” she suggested instead.

  Charlotte was bent over the stove, inspecting the huge pan of lasagna. “Smells great. How much longer?”

  “When we finish our salads, it’ll be ready to serve.”

  Shannon slapped her hand away as Charlotte reached out to grab a taste. “You know her rules,” she said.

  “If only I’d learned to cook, she wouldn’t be able to hold all those rules over me,” Charlotte said with laugh. She linked arms with Shannon as they made their way back outside to the patio. Tracy had already served generous portions of salad onto their plates.

  “I want to hear more about you and Madison,” Tracy said as she took the wine bottle from Shannon. “Were you falling in love with her at thirteen and you didn’t even know it?”

  “It was around that time that I started to get a clue,” she said with a smile. “The butterflies in my stomach thing only happened around Madison. Never around guys. The thought that I might be gay terrified me.”

  “You’ve said you’ve always had a close relationship with your mother,” Charlotte said. “You talked to her about it, right?”

  “Are you kidding me? I couldn’t talk to her about that,” Shannon said with a grin. “At least not when I was that young.” She took a bite of salad and glanced at Tracy. “This is great.”

  “Thank you.” Tracy raised her eyebrows. “So did you talk to Madison about it?”

  “No. And she didn’t talk to me about it either.”

  “Ah. So you were both feeling that way,” Charlotte stated.

  “Yes. We simply didn’t talk about it. We never talked about it.”

  Tracy leaned forward and smiled wickedly. “Did you kiss her?”

  Shannon nodded. “I was fourteen.”

  * * *

  “I don’t want to go out with Stephen,” Madison complained as they sorted through her clothes. “Why is she making me?”

  “You said yourself when you got into high school you’d have to start dating,” Shannon reminded her.

  “I don’t even like Stephen,” she said as she tossed yet another blouse onto the bed. “Do you like this one?” she asked, holding it up to her chest.

  “Yes. It makes your eyes look bluer.”

  Madison stared at her for a moment, her head tilted. She tossed that blouse on the bed with the others as she walked closer. “He’s going to want to kiss me.”

  Shannon nodded. Even though she had no idea who Stephen Cole was, other than the boy Madison’s mother had picked out for her years ago, she still felt a twinge of jealousy.

  Madison took her hand and their fingers linked together. It was something they did often—hold hands. Sometimes, it was casual with Madison leading her this way or that. Other times, they would stare at each other, their fingers moving softly against the other’s skin, touching, memorizing, tracing. Those were the times Shannon loved. Now, Madison’s thumb wa
s trailing across the back of her hand, and Shannon swallowed nervously.

  “I don’t know how to kiss,” Madison said quietly. “I’ve never kissed anyone.”

  “I’m sure it won’t be hard to learn,” Shannon said, hearing her voice crackle with nervousness.

  Madison took a step closer. “Maybe…we should practice.”

  Shannon could feel her heart pounding in her throat and she was surprised she was still able to breathe. She looked into Madison’s eyes, seeing that she was completely serious. She was afraid she was going to start hyperventilating. Madison gave her the sweetest smile Shannon had ever seen.

  “Do you want to?” she whispered.

  Shannon stood mutely in front of her, afraid to speak. Apparently Madison found the answer she was looking for. She leaned closer, touching her lips to Shannon’s. She pulled back quickly and Shannon opened her eyes. It had been too brief for her to even register the kiss. Suddenly feeling brave, she found her voice.

  “I…I don’t think that’s how it’s done,” she said as her fingers tightened around Madison’s.

  Madison smiled slightly. “No? How is it done, then?”

  Thinking they were crazy to be doing this, Shannon nonetheless pushed down her fear of Mrs. Lansford walking in on them. Her desire to kiss Madison overrode her good sense, and she took a step closer to her friend.

  She wet her lips before leaning closer. She was fascinated as Madison’s eyes slipped closed as she waited for her kiss. Feeling bold—and a bit daring—Shannon lowered her head, slowly moving her lips over Madison’s, praying she was doing it correctly. The only thing she had to go on was kissing scenes she’d seen in movies. She opened her mouth, fitting Madison’s lower lip between her own. This caused a fire in the pit of her stomach and she moaned. Embarrassed, she tried to pull away, but Madison held her in place, her own lips opening to Shannon.

  When they finally parted, she noted they were both breathing hard, nearly panting. She was afraid to look at Madison and even more surprised when Madison’s mouth found hers again. Madison’s hand slid up her arm and around her neck, her fingers threading through her hair. Their lips moved together again, pressing harder against each other. She gasped when her body came into contact with Madison’s. She longed to put her arms around Madison and pull her tight, but she was so afraid. She was, however, satisfied to hear a quiet sound leave Madison’s mouth.